Are You Loathsome Tonight?
by JaganshiKenshin
Summary: Hiei, Halloween, and professional wrestling make a dangerous combo, but toss in a stalking killer, some frightening food, and things go downhill from there.
1. 1: All Shook Up

Disclaimer: Kenshin does not own the Yuu Yuu Hakusho characters (they are the property of Togashi Yoshihiro et al), and does not make any money from said characters.

What Kenshin **does** own, however, are all the original characters in this work. Any attempt to "borrow" these characters will be met with the katana, or worse.

Original character Ernesto Gonzalez, first mentioned in _Idiot Beloved,_ shares a name of sorts, with YYH villain Tarukane Gonzo, but nothing else by way of nature or habits.

The events in _Idiot Beloved_ take place shortly after the Dark

Tournament; _Firebird Sweet_ directly follows that timeline. As reference I use a combination of the subtitled YYH anime, the American manga, and some of the CD dramas. This tale takes place on the heels of the Cowboy Trilogy, therefore, somewhere during the time of _The Book Of Cat With Moon._

Title: Are You Loathsome Tonight? (1: All Shook Up)

Author: JaganshiKenshin

Genre: Action/Adventure, Humor

Rating: K+/PG-13

Summary: Hiei, Halloween, and professional wrestling make a dangerous combo, but toss in a stalking killer, some frightening food, and things go downhill from there.

A/N: This Halloween tale was late in arriving-or early, depending when you read it. In The Cowboy Trilogy it was fun, hijacking the titles of classic westerns and using them as chapter titles. Here I get to play with classic song titles.

In _Idiot Beloved,_ Shayla Kidd mentions the man who had trained her in swordsmanship. Noting her abysmal skills, Hiei surmises much about her teacher's character, but if there's one thing he should know by now, surprises abound. Gladly hanging up her wooden sword, Shayla Kidd has not seen her sensei in years.

As always, thanks for reading this, and please review!

"You ate bugs for a living?"

Are You Loathsome Tonight? (1: All Shook Up)

by

Kenshin

Hiei stalked down the bustling Shibuya-ku street, his black shirt and blacker jeans expressing his mood to perfection,

As for Shayla Kidd, she was trudging.

He glanced at her, unable to detect more than a hint of her gamine beauty. Dressed in gray sweats against the chill, a color that both matched her eyes and served to camouflage her from autograph-seekers ("American Cowgirl?"), she could have been a phantom, but for a few strands of marigold-bright hair peeking from the hood of her sweat jacket.

They were allegedly seeking relaxation.

_I've changed a little,_ thought Hiei, _and those changes don't always sit easy._ His idea of relaxation? Find a tree as far from humankind as possible and sit in it for several hours.

Such an excursion would not go over well with Shayla Kidd. She would succumb to jaw-slacking boredom in about five minutes, assuming Hiei could coax her into the tree at all.

So when that rare night occurred, a night in which neither of them had to perform in a TV commercial, do a voice-over, appear in a nightclub, or chase down demons, they planted their twins Cecilia and Michael on Kurama's mother, Minamino Shiori.

_Maybe next time I get the tree._

Shayla Kidd indicated the trendy new restaurant, Scorn, where a line of patrons stretched onto the street, waiting to be robbed blind. "What about here?"

"Too little food, too many people."

"Just testing."

He hoped these minor disagreements wouldn't escalate into a squabble; this was the third eatery he'd shot down, and their level of tension was already as high as the prices at Scorn.

Since their return from America and his run-in with Reiraku, one of the thieves who had raised him, Hiei and Shay-san had been subject to nonstop action.

Shayla Kidd's successful stint as "American Cowgirl" at the nightclub Bongo Rive was the least of it. There was, of course, the case of the Taiyou Lake House, in which Hiei and Kurama had all but met their match in a horde of jaki, those tiny, seemingly insignificant minion-type youkai.

Hiei and Shay-san stopped in front of Chez d'Or. Hiei grunted, "Too expensive, no raw fish."

"Figured."

Then there was the case of the Psychotic Leprechaun, which Hiei had prosecuted with Urameshi Yuusuke. Who would have thought a creature one foot tall, and resembling a monkey rather than that cartoon guy with the pot of gold, could be so strong? Hiei had been forced to wield his Black Dragon. After its deployment, Hiei had fallen into a trance so deep that Urameshi, unable to rouse him, had covered him with a few sheets of newspaper and left him in the middle of the street.

Hiei had awakened in a garbage dump. Not his finest moment.

_Focus on tonight. So it's Halloween. What of it?_

The Japanese, although they are catching on fast, do not see this night one in which the veil between the living and the dead grows thin, but rather an excuse to dress up and eat candy.

Halloween. No reason to go nuts. No ghosts hiding behind every streetlamp, no werewolves on the prowl, no zombies ready to consume their intestines like spaghetti.

But there was always something.

It was nearly dusk, and the street grew more crowded by the moment. Hiei didn't do crowded.

He'd gained an insight into his own quirks. Some of them, anyway. Aware that he was behaving churlishly, he led Shayla Kidd to the Silver Moon Cafe, which was something of a sanctuary; no autograph hounds to bug them, and the food put Scorn to shame.

The aromas of fresh-ground coffee and the cafe's justly-famed almond Moon Crescents spoke for him. She sighed. "Finally, something we can agree on."

"Let's grab a coffee."

Then, right there in the street, in full view of everyone, Shayla Kidd turned glimmering gumdrop eyes on him and parted her lips. Hiei tensed, dreading an outburst of Public Affection. But her gifted voice never emerged. Instead, there came a different sort of outburst, a heavily-accented male bellow:

"Ay Dios mio! If it ain't my little ragamuffin sword girl!"

"Your what the what?" Hiei whipped his head around. Emerging from the crowd was a dark-visaged man in his 30s, wearing a black tank shirt emblazoned with the words _El Gordo_.

Shayla Kidd turned the color of a paper napkin. Earlier in the week, they had gotten an alert about a killer on the loose. Had she spotted him? "G-Gonzalez-s-s-sensei!" she managed.

Gonzalez. The name rang a bell. An enormous temple bell.

"What are you d-d-doing here?" she stuttered.

Communicating with Shay-san through the use of his implanted third eye was something Hiei normally reserved for battle, or pickup from the garbage dump. But her degree of shock alarmed him, and he 'spoke' through the powers of the Jagan: **You look like you've seen a ghost.**

**Just a haunting,** she replied.

Perhaps it was at that. This person may not have been the psychotic leprechaun's older brother out for revenge, but he had more than a passing resemblance to the creature: the blocky fireplug physique; flat-nosed face with two little darts of a moustache on a long upper lip; glossy black hair curled thick as sheep's wool on his head, and almost as thick on his body.

The stocky interloper beamed, teeth flashing white against the tobacco hue of his skin. "Shouldn't the question be more like, what're _you_ doin' here, all the way in Japan?"

"We live here," Hiei replied, never having seen Shay-san at a loss for words. "You are-?"

"Wrestlin'."

Pro wrestling. Sweaty men in tights grappling one another within the squared circle. Kuwabara was a fan.

"Oh, you mean who? My fame ain't preceded me? This week I'm El Gordo," he said, indicating the name on his shirt. "Back in Mexico City they call me El Chupacabra."

"Bad choice of names," muttered Hiei.

The hairy interloper thrust out a hand. "Ernesto Gonzalez. Everyone just calls me Gonzo."

_Gonzo? El Chupacabra's not bad enough. He has to have the same name as the bastard who imprisoned Yukina._

Clocking the guy in broad daylight and heavy traffic would probably turn heads.

Names meant something. Hiei's own name meant 'Flying Shadow,' and it suited him. Tarukane Gonzo's given name meant 'Authority of Three.' Hiei was aware that the word 'Gonzo' had an American meaning of eccentric, weird or crazy.

"Yo, ragdoll." Gonzalez jerked his head at Shayla Kidd's gray hoodie. "Y'look like you just crawled outta the nearest boxing gym. What's the deal? Goin' out Trick or Treatin'?"

"I'm... incognito." Her voice was a mouse-squeak.

"She looks fine to me," said Hiei, and he could just feel her melt. For her sake, he forced a note of civility into his voice. "So you're the one who taught this female to swing a sword like it was a machete."

Gonzo shrugged. "I'm a wrestler, not a martial artist."

"That's not what it said in your window." Shay-san had recovered the use of her voice, and as she spoke, she ticked off a list on her fingers. "Karate, kendo-"

"Same dif. See, this little girl would've made a great wrestler." Gonzo rolled his eyes. "But no, she's gotta learn that sword stuff."

"-children's parties," she went on. "Gordo the Clown-"

Hiei's mouth twitched. "So you really are a clown."

"I ate bugs. You know kids-they love that kinda stuff."

"Well." Shay-san flung Gonzo a fiercely laminated smile. "How very nice it is running into you, but we-"

"That smell!" Gonzo sniffed the air like a hunting dog. "Is that yakitori?"

"Possibly." Hiei detected a hint of charred flesh emanating from down the street. Bite-sized, skewered meats, yakitori is a favored snack among connoisseurs and pub-crawlers alike.

Grabbing Shayla Kidd with a gorilla's arm, Gonzo pulled her toward an alley, far from the haven of the Silver Moon.

Hiei kept pace. Having recovered from her shock, Shay-san seemed determined to make the best of things, but-**Want me to scare him off? He already has three strikes against him.**

**Gonzalez-sensei doesn't scare.**

**Oh, I can scare him.**

**No. You can't. You really can't.**

**You liked this guy?** he thought.

**Still do. I should warn you, though-**

"Hey, man." Addressing Hiei, Gonzo interrupted their private communique. "What about you?"

Hiei was thoroughly bewildered. "What about me?"

"Wanna work as a wrestler? You got a good look."

"It's the hair," said Shay-san.

"We always need fresh blood," Gonzo said, "an' you seem built enough."

"I could admire his latissimus dorsi all day," she assured them.

Gonzo gave Hiei a measuring squint. "You know how to fall?"

"Fall?" Hiei thought of his forcible ejection from Hyouga, the floating realm of the Ice Maidens. _Fall? It's what I do._ "Yeah. But I already have a job."

"Hey, wrestling's loss." Gonzo ran a few steps ahead, then stopped, turning back to wave them on. "We're here!"

_As if the smell didn't tip me off..._ Mr. Moto's Skewer was a hole in the wall, reeking of the motor oil they evidently used for frying. A menu was pasted in one grimy window. Gonzo studied the menu. "Octopus balls? Didn't know octopus had-"

"Battered, fried pieces of octopus meat," Shay-san interjected, channeling 1940s British film queen, Greer Garson. "Hiei consumes them."

"She doesn't," Hiei added.

"Hey, we're in luck!" said Gonzo, pulling them into the dive. "There's still a couple empty chairs."

"Wonderful," she said, at her frostiest. "We get to see who can eat the most blackened cephalopod organs."

"Gonzo wins," Hiei muttered, "two falls out of three."

-30-

(To be continued: The evening takes a sinister turn.)


	2. 2: Devil In Disguise

Please see Disclaimer in Chapter 1.

_Idiot Beloved_ takes place shortly after the Dark Tournament; _Firebird Sweet_ directly follows that timeline. As reference I use a combination of the subtitled YYH anime, American manga, and the CD dramas. _Loathsome_ takes place on the heels of the Cowboy Trilogy, ie: during the time of _The Book Of Cat With Moon._

Title: Are You Loathsome Tonight? (2: Devil In Disguise)

Author: JaganshiKenshin

Genre: Action/Adventure, Humor

Rating: K+/PG-13

Summary: As the night wears on, ominous developments place Hiei, Shayla Kidd, and Gonzo in danger.

A/N: In _Idiot Beloved,_ not only is Shayla Kidd's Spellcasting established, and the Shadow Wars begin, but though we never actually meet him, she also mentions the man who had trained her in swordsmanship. Here, we meet Ernesto Gonzalez.

As always, thanks for reading this, and please review!

"You'd make a great wrestler-The Lady Spitfire."

Are You Loathsome Tonight? (2: Devil In Disguise)

by

Kenshin

Hiei was not the only one with powers. Shayla Kidd had some of her own. And as they settled down at Mr. Moto's Skewer, he wished she would use them.

She shouldn't shoot laser beams from her eyes, though it seemed to Hiei that she could. But this was only the flaring of her Irish temper.

She couldn't wield a dimensional sword, nor summon flames, nor hurl energy bolts.

While she was expert in theatrical wushu, a discipline designed to make movie fights look good, that was mere stagecraft, and a natural outgrowth of her dance training.

She was no martial artist, and in fact carried a small pistol for protection. But though she possessed the accuracy of a sniper, sharp-shooting was not her power.

Shayla Kidd was a Spellcaster.

By the use of her trained voice, she could charm, cajole, command, perhaps even get the attention of the maitre'd at Scorn.

She could just as easily disengage them from Gonzo. But she shook her head, dashing Hiei's hopes.

**When I lived in Arizona, the only nearby town was Hellhole; even residents call it that. Sensei looked after me. When thugs came along, he ran them off.**

Hiei asked, **Why not run them off yourself?**

**Couldn't use my powers back then. Didn't know I had any.**

_If you ask me, she's too tolerant._ He sniffed at his plate and grimaced. Not that Hiei considered himself a fussy eater. In Makai, to stay alive, he had consumed things that would turn even Kuwabara's stomach inside out.

But Ernesto Gonzalez was in another league. The skewered chicken butts were greasy, bitter, and sinewy, their fibers catching between Hiei's teeth, and Gonzo couldn't get enough.

Sullen counterman flung food at them as though they were devils, and the yakitori were talismans to ward off evil. _I've been through worse,_ thought Hiei. _Maybe._

For he, Shay-san, Kurama, and a couple of others were part of an elite advance force.

They were one step below cold warriors, unsung, unthanked, not even reviled by a media quick to dismiss real threats, past or present.

They were Shadow Warriors, prosecuting a secret battle, a battle for which no medals were given, and of which the public remained blissfully unaware.

Civilians who knew of the Shadow Wars were a select few: Yuusuke's friend Yukimura Keiko, Kurama's mother Minamino Shiori, Kuwabara's sister, one or two others.

The Warrior's target: youkai who prowled about the world, seeking ruin. And though Gonzo had a youkai's appetite, he was no demon, nor was dragging them into a yakitori grill a crime.

The counterman hurled another plate of steaming gristle. Gonzo fell upon it like a starving wolverine, washing it all down with enough sake to pickle a mountainside.

**No wonder he taught lousy swordsmanship,** Hiei directed at Shayla Kidd. **Too busy guzzling booze and scarfing chicken butts.**

**I think I should warn you,** Shay-san repeated-

"Why not pig's blood?" Hiei said. "Or a dessicated lizard?"

"Great idea!" Gonzo enthused, frog-marching them down another alley. Super Jump Gulp House advertised organ meats and lamb sashimi but lacked pig's blood. They lasted five minutes.

But the raw-lamb venue wasn't their last stop. Dusk wore into dark, each new venue taking them farther from the heart of Shibuya, both in distance and character.

"Haven't these people heard of salmonella?" Shay-san wondered, as they crowded around a busy counter offering raw chicken hearts and bear spleen.

Gonzo downed a still-beating chicken heart. "Hey, man-you Japanese really know how to party."

"You should see us on weekends."

As Gonzo's English was better than his Japanese, they had settled on that language for their common tongue. "Can you get any of that toxic puffer-fish stuff here?"

"Fugu?" Hiei said. "In this sewer? Wouldn't advise it."

"Maybe the next joint." Swallowing another raw chicken heart, Gonzo beamed at Shay-san. "Imagine runnin' into you after all these years, and in Japan of all places!"

Ernesto Gonzalez did most of the talking, which was fine with Hiei. Gonzo had been born in Mexico City. When he was ten, the family relocated to Arizona, opening a tailoring/dry-cleaning establishment. Now an American citizen, he occasionally returned to Mexico to wrestle, but would take a gig anywhere, hence Japan.

"C'mon, man, who's up for puffer fish?" Hustling them through the streets, Gonzo urged, "Come see me tomorrow night at the Tornado Zone. Give you free tickets, backstage passes, the works, man."

"I can hardly wait," said Shay-san.

The next dive, Famous Happy Idol Singer, stank of sulphur, but it did feature a flashing pink neon sign.

From a teetering barstool, Hiei studied his firebird. Shay-san held a paper napkin to her nose, and looked a bit green around the gills, which made her hair stand out like embers.

Though she could literally command a man's heart to stop, such was her nature that she would not simply ditch Gonzo and go on with something more relaxing: a cup of coffee at the Silver Moon, a movie, a firing squad.

But Hiei found it hard to completely dislike Shay-san's former teacher. There was something about that guy. And not just the fact that he had fugu stuck in his teeth.

Although only a couple of inches taller than Hiei, Shay-san's former sensei had arms nearly as long as Kuwabara's. Considering Gonzo's stumpy bowlegs, Hiei wondered whether his ancestry included several species of lowland gorilla.

Tarukane Gonzo's family name meant 'Drooping Monkey,'but despite the Mexican wrestler's appearance, Hiei decided once and for all that Gonzo had nothing more in common with Yukina's captor than a name.

"This ragamuffin of yours." Gonzo paused to gulp down a mouthful of toxic fish. "Shoulda let me train her up to be a wrestler. She may be little, but she'd be really-"

"Though they are numerous," interrupted Shay-san, still channeling Greer Garson, "my enthusiams do not extend to being flung into the nearest turnbuckle by a Hulk Hogan wannabe."

"See?" Gonzo beamed at Hiei. "She's mad at me, I can tell. She talk that way to you when she's mad?"

"No." Hiei studied the items on his plate. They might have been centipede intestines. "She throws things at my head."

"She'd'a made a great wrestler." Acting like a proud uncle and The Thing That Ate Tokyo, Gonzo downed the bruise-colored goo on his plate, then chased it with more sake. "She came to my dojo when she was play-actin' the part of a priestess. Wanted to learn how to swing a wooden sword."

"She really gets into a part." How could Hiei forget? Hired by a mystery man who turned out to be the powerful youkai White Sands Serpent, Shayla Kidd had occupied a temple which the Serpent had built in the desert. Hiei had not only saved her from El Chupacabra and the Serpent, but once the adventure was over, he found a new calling, and a number of startling new puncture wounds.

"She was a good student, too," Gonzo added. "Didn't give me no lip, and she's got plenty lip."

"Of course not," she said. "I was paying you by the hour."

"Got this Ginger Rogers thing goin' on, man."

"Yes." Hiei squinted at the intestines on his plate. They appeared to be moving. "It's how we make our living." Shayla Kidd had organized Hiei and the others into the boy band, Romantic Soldier. Once their fifteen minutes of fame elapsed, it was churlish-loner-Hiei, out of all of them, who found himself still working as an entertainer.

_Great job for a covert operative._

Shay-san glanced at the slimy objects on her own plate, then pushed the plate toward Hiei.

Hiei transferred it to Gonzo.

"I can see it now." Gulping his own share of centipede intestines, Gonzo gratefully accepted Hiei's offering. "The Lady Spitfire. She comes out in this long sparkly gown and then strips it off to beat her opponents over the head with."

"Do they serve anything in here that's already dead and at least partially cooked?" Shay-san asked.

"Try the pig testicles," said Gonzo, ordering some.

"Famous Happy Idol Singer." Shay-san read the neon sign. "Wonder who they mean."

"Not us," grumbled Hiei.

"Everybody loves a celebrity," Gonzo said.

"Not if you knew any." Shay-san spoke from experience; her uncle Paul was a top-flight entertainment lawyer.

They headed back into the streets. One dive melded into the next, each blue with charnel-reeking smoke that left a sour taste in Hiei's mouth. He was almost ready to gargle sake, and he despised sake.

_Just one more place._

The phrase became a haunted mansion, conjuring a miasma of reptile eggs glowing like nuclear waste, reeking vegetation, ghoulish countermen, and greasy barstools. When Shayla Kidd refused even to enter Onigumo, which served live tarantulas, Gonzo steered them to Radon, home of the mysterious Special.

In some stubborn spirit of competitiveness, Hiei had tried to match Gonzo bite for bite. It was beginning to tell on him.

He realized too late that for Gonzo, this was no duel, no test of toughness or manhood. This was simply Gonzo being Gonzo, a force of nature, a law unto himself, enjoying a night out with an old student and a new friend.

Chomping on his appetizer, which appeared to be a plate of live mealworms, Gonzo continued from several threads of conversation ago. "That's why stars should remain on their pedestals, see, so you can worship them from afar."

"Thou shalt not make to thyself any idol nor graven image," said Shay-san. The counterman handed Gonzo 'The Radon Special'-a dessicated, grilled lizard on a stick. While Gonzo happily crunched it up, bones and all, she turned greener still.

"You gonna eat your lizard?" Gonzo inquired of Hiei.

Hiei donated the mummified reptile. "Knock yourself out."

"Now you take Elvis," Gonzo continued.

"Bet Elvis never ate a partially-dead lizard on a stick," Shay-san murmured.

"There's this guy on the circuit, dresses like Elvis."

Shayla Kidd shut her eyes. "Two girls died this week. Probably both ate here."

Hiei's firebird was undoubtedly tired and hungry. She had let this slip by accident, surely. But the details of the case had been hushed up, and it was only due to their Shadow Warrior status that they knew this. The girls had not died of food poisoning. They had been murdered.

Japan is not a city rife with murders. Hiei had the feeling this was going to come under his jurisdiction.

"Got a cool finishing move," Gonzo went on. "This Elvis dude. Calls it The Eye."

Hiei felt the stir of Shayla Kidd's amusement.

"The Eye?" she inquired. **You should take Gonzo up on his offer to make a wrestler out of you. That could be your move.**

**Hilarious.**

"He stares at his opponent and the guy freezes," Gonzo explained. "Smart. Conserves energy. Me, I gotta go for the hammerlock or somethin'. And okay, I ain't workin' a real big venue, but celebrities sell. Yeah, the Lady Spitfire."

Shayla Kidd raised her hands in surrender. "No, thanks."

"Then come up with your own name. You were always pretty quick upstairs." Gonzo tapped his shiny forehead.

"I decline. Even if you paid me in solid gold boullion."

"They serve that here?" Gonzo peered into the gloom. "By the way, you gonna eat your lizard?"

"Not even to ensure world peace," she said.

"Oh, I bet you would. You're that kind of girl."

"Don't count on it," said Hiei. "She'd make me eat it."

Shay-san pushed the lizard-pop toward Gonzo, who dispatched it in two bone-shattering bites.

"Gettin' late. Just one more stop." Gonzo took another swig of sake and chased it with a fisftul of hot peppers.

Hiei thought, **Someone's tailing us.**

**I know. Ever since the chicken heart place.**

Hiei figured it was the killer. Hope springs eternal.

-30-

(To be continued: Mirrors have a way of revealing the truth.)


	3. 3: Suspicious Minds

Please read Disclaimer in Chapter One.

Title: Are You Loathsome Tonight? (3: Suspicious Minds)

Author: JaganshiKenshin

Genre: Action/Adventure, Humor

Rating: K+/PG-13 (for anime-style fight scenes/language)

Summary: A mysterious stranger at the bar catches Shayla Kidd's attention.

A/N: _Idiot Beloved_ takes place shortly after the Dark Tournament; _Firebird Sweet_ directly follows that timeline. In order for certain character development to make sense, you might read those fics in order.

For reference I use the American YYH manga and the subtitled anime. If you're having half as much fun reading the chapter titles as I have coming up with them it's a good deal!

Scotch on the rocks, hold the intestines

Are You Loathsome Tonight? (3: Suspicious Minds)

by

Kenshin

_Just one more place,_ thought Hiei. Always just one more place, each successive venue dragging them one step closer to Dante's Ninth Circle of Hell.

Gonzo zigged. Gonzo zagged. Lulled into near-stupor by sake fumes and animal guts, they went along.

In a bizarre parody of Trick-or-Treat, rather than going door to door to receive friendly neighborhood candy, they were hustled from bar to grill, inclicted with a cruel and unusual assortment of alleged food.

The person tailing them had long given up. Hiei didn't blame him.

"Are we there yet?" whimpered Shayla Kidd.

"Yeah, man, right here!" Gonzo tugged them to the doorway of The Chopping Block, which he insisted was a must-see.

The 'chef' was hacking chunks off a live squid big enough to strangle Moby Dick. Then flinging the still-writhing chunks into diner's eager, gaping maws.

One glance was enough for Shayla Kidd. She not only balked at the fence, but turned and bolted into the night with an irritated Hiei fast on her heels, lest she become fodder for a monster, or some other demented chef-du-jour.

_She should have known better than to run._ Maybe her blood sugar was down in her toes; she'd eaten nothing but a handful of musty edamame hours ago. Her usual good sense and warrior's training had fallen victim to Gonzo's idea of fun. Still.

Fog was rising, visibility down, but Hiei pelted through the narrow alleyway lined with questionable shops and managed to corral her about thirty seconds after she lit out.

This fiasco finally alerted Gonzo to the fact that his taste in edibles and theirs were basically from differing planets. Apologizing, the wrestler led them away from Nightmare Alley, across a few blocks, to a clean watering hole at the end of a long, quiet street.

Hiei released a deep breath. He went off Orange Alert.

The All-American smelled pleasantly of grilled beef and aged scotch. A spacious bar with padded leather stools invited them. Shay-san turned pleading eyes on Hiei. "I need a drink. And some _real_ food."

The bartender glanced up from polishing a tall beer glass and greeted them. "Last call, guys."

Hiei assured him that one round would be more than enough.

Within minutes, Shayla Kidd sat happily sipping Suntory and soda, heavy on the soda, nibbling soy-glazed yakitori that did not contain any tentacles, living or dead.

Hiei got his tuna rolls after all. He was full, but stubborn.

In between bites, Shay-san fluffed her fire-colored hair in the wall-to-wall mirror behind the bar. Lined with shelves bearing top-of-the-line liquors, the mirror also reflected three booths along the opposite wall. The booths were empty.

"This place has been a ghost town ever since that dead girl was found a block or so away," the bartender told them, in response to Shayla Kidd's inquiry. "I'm just glad to see you haven't let that scare you off."

Gonzo seemed indifferent to the news, as well as the substantial upgrade in food, drink and atmosphere. He gobbled beef kushiyaki as he had munched frog's eyeballs and still-beating turtle hearts in the Tarry Black Brain-Hell, where the layers of dirt could actually be seen moving from table to table.

Hiei drank Kirin on tap. His tuna rolls were excellent, lacking the cheap rubber-tire grade of nori some dives rolled their tuna in. Laced with wasabi, the concoction brought his near-dead palate back to life.

Back to life. Whether by accident or design, they had landed in a neighborhood where one of the bodies was found.

But no youkai leapt from the bushes to attack them, or offer them more lizard on a stick.

As Hiei chewed another piece of tuna roll, Gonzo slapped his beer mug down, gave a holler, and shot into the street.

_Maybe,_ Hiei thought with a surge of hope, _he remembered an appointment._

But the wrestler returned, towing a new victim.

The stranger was a taller man, perhaps Kurama's height, but with hair as black as Urameshi's and slicked back in similar fashion. He wore black leather jeans and jacket, and his features, naggingly familiar, copied Michelangelo's David, with that classic nose and sullen mouth.

His heavy-lidded eyes were such a pale blue they were the color found in sled dogs, and as expressive as a snake's.

Gonzo hung on the newcomer's elbow, chattering away. Hiei got the distinct impression that the newcomer would like nothing better than to shake the wrestler off and dive head-first through a plate-glass window.

_I know the feeling._

As reluctant as the newcomer was, he was no match for Gonzo, who levered him onto the barstool next to Hiei and introduced him as Elvis.

**That's why he seemed familiar. Elvis, back from the dead.**

**Hey,** Shayla Kidd replied, **It's Halloween.**

Gonzo's earlier preoccupation with celebrities made sense now. "So this is the new wrestler on your circuit," Hiei said.

"Not really Elvis, y'know, man," Gonzo amended. "Just goes by that stage name. Not sure I ever heard your real handle, huh, El?" Gonzo clapped him on the back with one gorilla-like paw.

'El' curled his lip.

"What'cha havin' tonight, man?"

"I am having nothing, thank you." Elvis' voice, deep and cautious, featured an accent Hiei couldn't place.

"Watchin' the waistline, man?" Gonzo patted his round belly. "Lucky for me that ain't one of my worries."

Elvis cut his gaze past Hiei toward Shay-san.

"Scopin' out the pretty girl?" Gonzo winked. "She's taken."

The pretty girl took another sip of her scotch and soda. **Nice mirror the bar's got,** she thought at him.

**You interrupted my tuna roll for this?**

Delicately biting the empty yakitori skewer, she waggled her fingers at him in the mirror. Hiei wondered if this was some Americanism, some kind of girly-flirty thing. He still did not 'get' her a hundred percent, though some of her mannerisms, like a few of her flaws, bordered on tolerable.

**I can see you just fine,** she said. **Can you see me?**

Hiei nodded.

**That's nice,** she continued, fluffing her hair again.

Was she looking for a compliment? He thought, not without affection: **Did turtle blood fumes go to your head?**

**Funny you should mention blood.** For someone who had recently bolted at the sight of a squid-ectomy and didn't even like to think about blood, she seemed remarkably calm.

**Oh?**

**I can see myself. I can see you. I can see Gonzo-sensei guzzling beer.**

**Me, too.**

**But where oh were is Elvis?**

**What the-** Hiei glanced up.

In spite of the witching hour and overfull stomach, his warrior sense kicked in; a chill punched the base of his spine, then crawled up the back of his neck.

_Welcome to the Ninth Circle of Hell._

Seated on the neighboring barstool at Hiei's elbow, close enough for Hiei to hear the creak of his leather jacket, Elvis was not visible in the mirror.

-30-

(To be continued: The chase is on!)


	4. 4: Mystery Train

Please read Disclaimer in Chapter One.

Title: Are You Loathsome Tonight (4: Mystery Train)

Author: JaganshiKenshin

Genre: Action/Adventure, Humor

Rating: K+/PG-13 (for anime-style fight scenes/language)

Summary: As the hunt quickens, Hiei requests back-up.

A/N: Any character sketches can be viewed on my blogspot.

_Idiot Beloved_ takes place shortly after the Dark Tournament; _Firebird Sweet_ directly follows that timeline. This tale occurs on the heels of The Cowboy Trilogy, and mentions the mysterious Agency that first came to light in _Operation Rosary._

Invisible Elvis, anyone?

Are You Loathsome Tonight (4: Mystery Train)

by

Kenshin

Hiei stared at the mirror in which Elvis wasn't.

This lack of reflection couldn't be explained away as a trick of the low lighting or a temporary hallucination brought on by the overconsumption of dessicated lizard on a stick.

Though the mirror's plane was blocked in various places by shelves of barware, Hiei's own reflection revealed a man quite the worse for wear, with an unhealthy late-night, deep-fried-rat-tails tinge to his skin.

When he lifted his beer, his mirror image did the same.

To his right, Shayla Kidd-the Lady Spitfire-toyed with her glass, her eyes downcast, demure.

The bartender was oblivious, chattering away on the phone even when Gonzo tapped the bar, pleading another beer, and he remained so all throughout the act of pouring and serving. Gonzo chugged beer, wiped his mouth, then hopped down from the barstool. "Gotta go recycle," he explained, trundling to the rest room like a cheerful monkey.

Hiei turned his head toward the Elvis-impersonator, who was committing origami on a cocktail napkin.

The mirror still reflected an empty barstool.

Japan, while it has more than its fair share of creatures supernatural, has no native vampires.

There is the Kappa, a youkai of low power, which now and then tries to suck the innards from the odd unwary human. But the Kappa is more animal than human, resembling a hairy water-monkey, though it does not bring to mind Ernesto Gonzalez.

Hiei thought he had monkey on the brain. It was likely that, during the evening, he had eaten some.

The Kappa, however, is not sentient, nor one of the Undead. It does not feed off human blood, and it casts a reflection.

Just as there are no snakes in Ireland, what Japan lacks is its own native-grown, Dracula-type Undead, once human, with an intellect bent toward evil and an eternity to perfect that art.

Modern travel makes mincemeat of national boundaries. Killer bees, native to Africa, stow away on cargo planes and invade the Americas. English rabbits run wild in Australia.

And a vampire runs wild in Tokyo.

Shayla Kidd addressed the vampire. "You speak Japanese quite well," she purred. "But I have a good ear for accents, and I pray you indulge my fancies."

She was not Ginger Rogers nor Greer Garson now. She was Bette Davis, as a private eye.

"You're not from Japan," she continued, cucumber-cool.

Elvis tore his cocktail napkin in two.

"Eastern Europe would be my guess," said Hiei.

The vampire glanced up. Hiei continued to gaze steadfastly at the empty barstool reflected in the mirror.

"Poland, maybe," said Shay-san.

"Nah," said Hiei. "Somewhere more remote, mountainous."

"Somewhere like..." She gave a very Bette-esque lift of her eyebrows. "... Transylvania?"

The vampire jerked his head around, glared at her.

She steadily regarded the mirror. But it was Hiei who caught the vampire's eye.

Something peculiar took place then, a guts-and-booze infused bath of mutual assessment, strange and repellent.

Knowing little about the Undead, Hiei sensed the profound un-naturalness of such a life, if it could be called life.

Though not human himself, though possessing peculiar powers, abilities, and hardiness, Hiei was alive. The sun could do him no harm. He had blood; he did not drink it for sustenance. He was subject to injury, death, and taxes.

To die each sunrise in defiance of natural law, to lie in a moldering coffin all day, to arise again with the moon, to prey on the living, to create more Undead like him-

As quickly as the strange interlude had begun, it was over. Hiei did not understand what it was, but if forced to guess, he would have said the vampire was trying to speak with him.

Unblinking, he returned the creature's stare, then slowly and deliberately looked back into the mirror.

The vampire saw, and knew that they knew. Hiei felt a fight coming on. _About time,_ he thought.

"Excuse, please," Elvis said. "An appointment I remember. You will not detain me." He slid off the barstool, bowed, then drifted outside.

"Don't say it," Hiei warned.

"Elvis has left the building." Shayla Kidd dashed after him.

_Dammit, she ran off again._ Throwing money on the counter, Hiei bolted. The bartender tossed him a happy wave.

Shay-san hadn't traveled far, but mists hung in the air like gauze curtains, and street lamps squeezed out a weak, fog-diffused light as if cooperating with the vampire to conceal him.

"Gone," she said. As were her movie-star personas; she had donned the mantle of vampire-hunter.

"Hey, man!" A hearty bellow split their eardrums. Gonzo emerged from the All-American, and lumbered up to them, beaming. "You know what they say about beer: you only rent it." He clapped Hiei on the back. "Nice of you to pick up the tab. I owe you one, man."

"You have no idea."

Shay-san glanced at her wrist, where a timepiece wasn't. "The babysitter," she stage-fretted.

"Tell ya what." Gonzo gave her a friendly tap that sent her staggering. "You call the sitter, I'll pay the overtime."

The 'babysitter,' Kurama's mother Minamino Shiori, expected no payment, and had already been warned about the late-night gambit via an earlier call.

Yet Gonzo seemed determined to cling to them, and while Shayla Kidd could send him packing with a single command, she had so far refrained. Though she was perfectly willing to use her powers to battle the forces of evil, she considered it unethical to Spellcast a friend except in an emergency.

They couldn't drag Gonzo into danger or tell him what they were up to. There were rules about civilians for Shadow Warriors, unsung, unthanked, prosecuting a secret battle, and authorized in the use of deadly force if they felt like it.

"Speaking of beer rentals," Hiei said, heading back into the bar. Shay-san didn't need the benefit of the Jagan to know what he was up to, and it wasn't just returning beer to the environment.

The bartender was closing down. Hiei promised to make it quick.

The bathroom was small and spotless and had a window. He opened the window and exited to an alleyway. From there, the roof, where he employed his Jagan to search for the vampire.

Hiei reminded himself that this creature had once been human. It had an odd aura-certainly not youki, but not quite human either. As cold as Hyouga, the realm of the Koorime, the Ice Maidens who had cast Hiei out. The aura was like a glacier: Inscrutable. Fathomless. Adamant.

Missing.

Re-tying his Jagan ward, Hiei reached into his pocket for the Agency-supplied device and placed a phone call.

He needed an ally, and he needed one yesterday. He could have called the Agency, and after checking the situation, they'd dispatch an operative. Which would take too long.

Kurama answered on the first ring, and before Hiei could so much as open his mouth-

"No," said Kurama.

"We need backup."

"Call Yuusuke. I'm up to my elbows in guts."

"What a coincidence. Until two minutes ago, so were we."

"At an undisclosed location," Kurama went on.

"Got it. Agency bunker."

"I'm here with Dr. Smith. Technically I shouldn't even be telling you this, but-"

"You'd find this interesting."

"Call Yuusuke," Kurama repeated.

"Won't answer his phone. Not since that leprechaun caper."

"How tragic for you. Call Kuwabara."

"Out of town. Megallica concert in Kanagawa."

"Ohkubo then."

"Ohkubo drives a _truck._"

There was such a long pause that Hiei was about to hang up. Ordinarily Kurama's vivid curiosity would send him there like a shot, but-"I can't. Those two girls were killed under interesting circumstances."

What Kurama thought of as 'interesting circumstances' would send an ordinary person projectile vomiting. He gave a brief and gruesome account, adding, "Smith and I were called in, and won't be free until the culprit's-"

"I think we found your killer."

There was another long pause.

"Back-up," Hiei reminded.

"You're sure?"

"Yes. I'm requesting back-up."

"No," snapped Kurama. "I meant are you-"

"This guy doesn't cast a reflection."

"Still can't. Not for another two hours, maybe more." Conflict was evident in his voice, and though Kurama didn't go around picking fights, Hiei could tell he was itching to pit his powers against the perp.

"Then let's hope our arsenal works on the Undead."

"You're both carrying Holy Water and Crucifixes," Kurama reminded him. "What more do you need?"

"A tank would be nice," said Hiei.

He flicked down from the roof, re-entered the bar the way he'd left it, and emerged to find Shay-san at a pay phone, just hanging up. "I told the 'sitter' we'd be late."

**And I spoke to Kurama,** Hiei responded silently.

**Well? **

**The girls who were murdered...** Hiei recounted some of the phone call with Kurama, tactfully leaving out that the girls had their throats torn out, as though by a wild animal. **One girl was found near here, but the first victim was found close to the wrestling venue. **

**The Tornado Zone?**

**Investigators are keeping details from the media, but both girls had been exsanguinated.**

**Drained of blood? **On hearing this, Shayla Kidd's own face drained of blood, and she put a hand to her colorless cheek.

"Well, guys?" The ever-enthusiastic Gonzo rubbed his hands together. "Where to next?"

Shay-san gave him another laminated smile. "The fact is-"

A shriek tore through the night, chopping off her words.

Gonzo spun around. "That way," he shouted, plunging down the north end of the street.

-30-

(To Be Continued: Has the killer struck again?)


	5. 5: It's Now or Never

Please read Disclaimer in Chapter One.

Title: Are You Loathsome Tonight? (5: It's Now or Never)

Author: JaganshiKenshin

Genre: Action/Adventure, Humor

Rating: K+/PG-13 (for anime-style fight scenes/language)

Summary: On an evening meant for relaxation, Hiei finds himself pursuing a foe with unknown powers.

A/N: _Idiot Beloved_ takes place shortly after the Dark Tournament; _Firebird Sweet_ directly follows that timeline, and this story follows on the heels of The Cowboy Trilogy. As reference I use a combination of the American YYH manga and the subtitled anime. I appreciate your reviews and thank you for reading this tale!

"What do you know about the Undead?"

Are You Loathsome Tonight? (5: It's Now or Never)

by

Kenshin

With the girl's shriek still clawing the air, Ernesto Gonzalez hammered up the street.

Hiei sprinted after Gonzo, Shayla Kidd following, but he hadn't gotten more than a few steps before he had to stop, clutching his stomach. _Ow._

Several helpings of assorted offal was having an unwanted effect. In the form of a stitch in his side. How ignominius.

Shay-san had forged ahead of him, but now she came back. "Whenever you're ready...?"

"For a little guy with trailing arms, stumpy legs, and a belly full of centipedes," Hiei griped, "Gonzo sure moves fast."

"What's going on? I never outpace you."

"_You're_ not weighed down with 20 pounds of frog that's still kicking."

"What can I say? I'm a coward when it comes to eating."

_No, that just makes you the brains of the outfit._ With gritted teeth, Hiei got his second wind. He waded up the street again, Shayla Kidd at his side. **What do you know about vampires?**

**Japan doesn't have any.**

**Until now. All I know comes from watching a couple of movies. You lived in a vampire-infested nation.**

**Gee, thanks. Most of what I know comes from movies, too. They feed on blood, sunlight kills. Your Rosary might scare them off, maybe Holy Water. Spellcasting, probably not.**

**Then what will?**

But by then they had turned left at a crossroads, and caught sight of Gonzo-and froze for an instant.

Shayla Kidd's former sensei stood beneath a streetlamp. Mists swirled round him, throwing his outline into monstrous, threatening relief.

The transformed Gonzo loomed over a boy sprawled in the gutter. Nearby stood a trembling girl of about nineteen.

One victim had been found near the wrestling venue-_What,_ Hiei wondered, _if Gonzo's the killer?_

Cautiously, they approached.

Glaring up at Gonzo, the boy rubbed his jaw. "You _hit_ me!" Gonzo's reply dispelled Hiei's doubts. "And I'd do it again," growled the wrestler. "Ain't no way to treat a lady."

"Listen, you!" The girl rounded on Gonzo. "This is a private matter between-"

"That scream wasn't so private," cut in Shay-san.

The girl's face flushed an angry crimson. She had been trembling with rage, not fear. "You keep your nose outta my business!"

"She slapped him herself," added Gonzo. "But he needed a reminder."

The boy gingerly uncovered his jaw, revealing the girl's handprint against his skin, which was nothing in comparison to the shiner planted there by Gonzo's fist.

"You manhandle her again and I'll be back," Gonzo warned.

The boy apologized, quite sulkily.

"That's okay then." Gonzo reached down and hauled the kid to his feet.

Hiei edged away, hoping not to attract Gonzo's notice, for he again sensed that strange, icy ki.

Shay-san must have felt it, for she did have a formidable sixth sense. She followed Hiei's lead.

So far so good; Gonzo was already striking up a conversation with the unfortunate boy and his tempestuous girlfriend, and had not noticed Hiei's retreat.

But as they slunk away, Hiei began thinking, against his better judgment, that they shouldn't so eagerly ditch Gonzo.

**Oh, no, you don't,** Shayla Kidd reminded him. **It's our duty to protect civilians.**

**This guy's no ordinary civilian. He eats monkey guts and likes it.** Once safely around the corner, his own gut still roiling from their adventures in exotic cuisine, Hiei paused.

Shayla Kidd asked, "What is it this time?"

"I..." He licked dehydrated lips. "Thought tonight would consist of eating and window-shopping."

She lifted an eyebrow. "What of it?"

"I left my sword at home." _And why not? Got my fire and Dragon and my deadliest weapon, Tenchi no Hi, the Flame of Heaven and Earth-a sword of light summoned by will._

She blew out a long breath. "And on a night when I'm not packing heat myself."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. I thought the same thing you did."

Shay-san hardly ever left home without her Beretta Cheetah, for the .32 caliber pistol was easier to conceal than the long curve of Hiei's sword.

Even the katana's structure-handle, handguard, blade-formed a cross. A portable cross would've come in handy. Hiei was pretty sure his hyperspeed abilities were gone as well, leaving them dangerously vulnerable. Reluctantly, he added, "This thing we're chasing isn't youkai or human. My arsenal might not work on it."

She came close to him then, tilting her face up to meet his gaze, sliding her hands up his arms, squeezing his biceps. "These," she said, "work on everything."

Her encouragement gave him a burst of renewed energy. _I'll take Dracula and the Wolfman with one hand tied behind my back._ "Come on." He jerked his chin toward the end of the street. "The vampire went thataway."

They had gone a couple of blocks north of Gonzo and his new friends, and were confident they'd lost him. But when they saw what lay ahead, they had to take a moment to think.

At the end of the street, almost hidden by fog, was a small white church, its cemetery guarded by black iron railing. Every tenth rail was taller, ending in a three-point fleur-de-lys.

Though the cemetery had no lights, ambient illumination from the city rescued it from utter blackness.

"Wouldn't you just know it," Shay-san said. "A cemetery. And it's Halloween. And we have no backup."

"Maybe that's how it's supposed to be."

"Oh?" Shayla Kidd kept her uneasy gaze on the cemetery.

"What are the odds that you'd meet your old teacher here? And that he'd be aquainted with a vampire, and we'd end up close to where one of the killings occurred?"

"You know I'm no good with numbers."

"I'll do the math. We're on the job again."

"Think we can get a retroactive expense account?"

"He's there," whispered Hiei. "In the cemetery."

"Who's where?"

They jumped.

Gonzo had caught up with them, puffing like a steam engine. He threw an arm around Hiei. "A relative, man? Come to pay your respects? I can dig that. Wanna go for coffee afterward?"

"What about your new friends?" said Shay-san. "The Honeymooners?"

"Naah, they won't be joinin' us." Gonzo waved a dismissive paw. "I sent 'em off with a warning."

Shayla Kidd looked at Hiei. Hiei looked at Shayla Kidd. "It's now or never," said Hiei, promising to arrest himself later for felony misuse of song titles.

Hiei opened the iron gate, which announced their presence with a rusty shriek; the cemetery was a jumble of headstones and monuments cloaked in fog like a luminous blanket, distorting sound, obscuring sight, turning Hiei's skin slimy, as though he'd poured slug juice over his head. Which, for all he knew, he had.

"Hey, look who's here!" Gonzo motored into the cemetery. "You visitin' relatives too?"

Near a headstone, a figure turned to face them. Hiei tensed. Even with the concealment of fog, he was not difficult to recognize, and the chill of his dark-star aura clutched the back of Hiei's neck. **It's him-Elvis.**

**Now what? Bust him on suspicion of being undead?**

Shayla Kidd was right. Even a vampire was subject to due process. Maybe.

Elvis saw them, too. "Please to not interfere," he said.

Shayla Kidd folded her arms. "Interfere with exactly what?"

"Hey, Gonzo." Hiei didn't take his eyes off Elvis. "How long's this bastard been working your particular circuit?"

"A week," Gonzo supplied for him.

Hiei did the math. _Plenty of time to have killed both girls._

They were three against one, but the vampire sneered. "I warn you not to interfere. I have already lose much time."

"Time for what, man?" As though they had worked together for years, Gonzo moved shoulder-to-shoulder with Hiei. "Time till daylight, and you melt?"

Hiei swiveled his head to gape at Ernesto Gonzo. Shayla Kidd did likewise. "How'd you-?"

Gonzo shrugged. "I get feelings about stuff like this, man. Didn't see him in the bar mirror." His beetling gaze never left the vampire. "Just wasn't sure till now."

"Gonzalez-sensei, you know about vampires?"

"Hell, yeah. Mexico City's crawling with them. I never go nowhere without this." He rummaged down the front of his shirt, then pulled out a Rosary, though not identical to Hiei's heavy wooden affair. Gonzo's Rosary consisted of plastic heart-shaped beads, looking like something you would give a little girl for first Communion.

Elvis shuddered. "Please to put away."

"You don't use the locker room like the rest of us." Gonzo took a step toward the vampire. "Never around mirrors, man."

"Fool." Elvis bared his fangs. They were long and sharp, like panther teeth.

"You are under arrest for suspicion of murder," stated Hiei. "You have a right to tell me the truth or simply let me rip your guts out. I vote guts."

The cold eyes flashed. "You must release me!"

"Why?" Shay-san put the slightest Spellcaster inflection on her words. "Who are you?"

The vampire hesitated, but as Shayla Kidd fingered the little gold Crucifix at her throat, he was watching, his glacial eyes regarding her with a mix of fear and hunger.

_Oh no you don't._ Still full of cowboy from his adventures out West, Hiei stepped in front of Shay-san, directly challenging the Undead Elvis. "Think you can take me? Go ahead on."

The vampire accepted his challenge. Lifting both hands, he crooked his fingers into claws.

Another shriek set their eardrums vibrating, but this time, it was not the rusty gate being opened. This scream sounded as though a girl was being torn apart and eaten alive.

**Wait a sec-**thought Hiei, **-if the vampire's here, then who's-?**

**The Honeymooners?**

Clenching his fists, Gonzo spun around. "Oh, man, what now?"

Elvis could wait. Hiei, Gonzo, and Shay-san took off in the direction of the scream.

-30-

(To be continued: A monster demands blood sacrifice.)


	6. 6: Heartbreak Hotel

Please read Disclaimer in Chapter One.

Title: Are You Loathsome Tonight? (6: Heartbreak Hotel)

Author: JaganshiKenshin

Genre: Action/Adventure, Humor

Rating: K+/PG-13 (for anime-style fight scenes/language)

Summary: Hiei and Gonzo try to corner the vampire.

A/N: Under Genkai's training, Shayla Kidd had honed her natural persuasive abilities into those of a powerful Spellcaster.

As inspiration I use a combination of the American YYH manga and the subtitled anime. I appreciate your reviews and faves. Thanks for reading this tale!

On Halloween night, a bloodthirsty killer taunts Hiei

Are You Loathsome Tonight? (6: Heartbreak Hotel)

by

Kenshin

Shayla Kidd, Ernesto Gonzalez and Hiei cut across the graveyard heading east, toward the direction of the screams.

Heavy mists blinded them; spongy turf hindered them. By the time they reached the scene, the screaming had stopped.

The metallic reek of blood was everywhere, making Hiei gag. Shay-san clapped a hand over her mouth. Even Gonzo grunted in distaste.

Thirty feet ahead were two persons, twisted so close they appeared almost as a single entity against the iron railing.

Or rather, one had once been a person, and was now Undead. The other looked dead for keeps.

Neither reiki nor youki emanated from the Undead, but a piercing chill with which Hiei had become familiar.

_There's a second vampire? What is this, a tag team?_

As if in response to Hiei's thoughts, the creature lifted its head. It bore no resemblence to 'Elvis,' nor any tuxedo-clad, Lugosi-suave movie bloodsucker.

Corpse-like pallor, worsened by the contrast of its rough black tunic. Wicked little saw-teeth stained red. Hairless head tapering to a point. Hot-coal eyes set close together. In all, it looked like a rat from Mars.

In its arms dangled a girl, slim and all too fragile, rag-limp, her head turned aside as if in revulsion.

Gonzo crossed himself. "Madre de Dios!"

Impossible to think of this creature as _he._ The name 'Nosferatu' came to mind.

Again Hiei cursed himself for leaving his sword at home. Even at this distance and with a belly full of offal, he could draw the sword, anoint it with Holy Water, and fling it through Nosferatu's heart before the creature drew its last breath.

Forget the Dragon; impossible to summon after the night's carouse. Forget fire; couldn't shoot flames with a witness like Gonzo close at hand. Besides, fire might not even faze the Undead, but would further damage the injured girl.

Tenchi no Hi? Existing outside the bounds of time and space, always at his command? But the Flame of Heaven and Earth, while not deadly to humans, would knock him senseless, and turn the cemetery into a glass parking lot.

Any other night, he could have flicked to the girl, scooped her up, and teleported her to safety before the monster knew who'd robbed it, but he could no longer access his hyperspeed.

Yet he had to do something. Fists clenched, Hiei stalked forward, Gonzo at his side.

But Shayla Kidd came flying past them, a gray bullet in the night. She halted one step ahead, her body tense as a wire, her little fists balled. "Put. Her. DOWN!"

With an eerie wail, the vampire released its prey. The girl folded in on herself and crashed to the ground.

Gonzo spoke like a proud uncle. "_That's_ my Lady Spitfire."

Hiei had to agree.

Shayla Kidd's Spellcasting was not a product of books or magic, but the power of her voice alone to persuade, cajole, even command. And on the rare occasions she used her command function, it rang like thunder and lightning.

By her own admission, it was the weakest of powers, but Hiei thought her voice should be registered as a lethal weapon.

She was panting from the effort. Spellcasting took something out of her every time.

Out of them, too. There is a side effect to the command function: the Shockwave, whereby people close enough to the Spellcaster, even the Spellcaster herself, are rendered immobile for a moment or two following a command.

It was like being trapped in a bubble. Itching for the battle yet unable to move, Hiei waited it out, one second, two, three-then went for the vampire. But he was still slogging, while Nosferatu, with a jointless rat-trickle that made Hiei's scalp fizz, slid parallel to the railing, skimming the ground until fog hid it from sight.

_It's fast!_

"Don't let it escape." Shaking off the aftershock herself, Shay-san ran to the girl's side. She knelt, feeling for a pulse. "I'll see to her. You go after that thing."

Shayla Kidd was human, and flawed. Hiei overlooked many of her flaws, even found some appealing, or at least amusing.

But she was squeamish. Faint-at-the-sight-of-blood squeamish. This was even harder to overlook than back when she used to chew up bits of banana and feed it to the then-infant twins _right out of her mouth._

But she could hardly go after Nosferatu herself, and unless someone rendered assistance, that girl was good as dead.

"C'mon, man," Gonzo urged. Hesitating only a moment, Hiei tossed Shay-san the phone, then set off, Gonzo at his heels.

After the case of the psychotic leprechaun, Hiei was well aware that even the most harmless-seeming of foes could pack a lethal punch. After all, hadn't he and Kurama nearly been done in by jaki, those small, nearly powerless messenger youkai that swarm through Tokyo like vermin?

Vermin with toxic stings. There were parts of Hiei that still itched from that escapade.

A vampire with unknown powers was probably deadlier than any leprechaun, psychotic or not.

They were forced to slow down. Fog hung like clumps of Spanish moss, adding to the confusion of headstones and monuments. The vampire could be anywhere, waiting to leap.

Or worse. Backtracked, following the scent of blood. To the fallen girl. Guarded by Shayla Kidd.

Who was only human, and who had limits to her powers. Similar to Hiei's own limits with his Dragon: shoot twice, keel over. Could she summon enough power to defend herself and the girl so soon after using her command function?

Ever since the night began, Hiei had been dragged around and outmaneuvered at every turn, and he was sick of it at last, frustrated, apprehensive, on edge. They headed toward the northernmost border of the cemetery, stopping well short of the fence. "Where'd that bastard go?"

Gonzo shrugged. "I don't like this, man."

_That'll be a first,_ thought Hiei. He paused behind a towering stone angel, its hands clasped in supplication, as though reminding Hiei how much he'd changed. True, he now hesitated to take a life, but neither Nosferatu nor Elvis was technically alive, and if they got away now, would create more Undead. Had to be stopped, by any means.

This was stupid. He had an advantage over mere sight and sound. Hiei shut his eyes, released a breath. Tried, with his sixth sense, to detect that arctic vampire aura.

It was not like sensing youki-not that spike of pain slamming through his head. The presence of a vampire was more sinister, more subtle.

Breathe in. Out. Again.

He detected a tendril of icy, grave-reeking air. Direction ten o'clock, eight yards distant. He caught Gonzo's eye. Both of them inched out from behind the stone angel. A breeze stirred, lifting the miasma, and they could see.

As before, two figures teetered as one against the iron railing. _Shay-san!_ Hiei thought, _He got her!_ But even as he coiled to spring, he realized the other figure was far too tall.

It was, in fact, Elvis.

Elvis and Nosferatu were locked together near the railing in a vicious struggle. Grappling, snarling, they appeared to be evenly matched. Gonzo whispered, "What-they fightin' over who gets the girl?"

The difference between them was stark: one human in appearance, familiar because he resembled the singer, the other alien as any monster from the deeps of Makai.

"Those are some pretty good wrestlin' moves, man."

While Hiei pondered his own moves, Shayla Kidd skidded up from the east and fetched to a halt next to him, breathless and paper-white.

"Why'd you leave your post?" Hiei demanded. She started to explain. He cut her off. Mad as they both were, he shoved her back beneath the protective wings of the stone angel-but then he saw the blood painting her hands.

Gonzo saw, too. "The girl! Is she-"

"I called Ohkubo." She spoke more to Hiei than Gonzo.

With another flash of irritation, Hiei responded, **Does **_**everyone**_** have to be in on our secrets?**

She flicked a gunfire look right back at him; she was exhausted, skidding against the rails of her self-control.

Gonzo scratched his head. "Ohku-who?"

"Nobody," Hiei snapped.

"A friend," she explained, her gaze locked with Hiei's. "Drives a truck. Picked her up and drove her to where Dr. Smith is now. She lost a lot of blood."

"Obvious." The dismissive look Hiei gave her did not help. Her answering glare was the equivalent of a Medusa-hiss.

_And after she praised my lats AND biceps._ Abashed, he re-thought his assumptions. No doubt she had also used her powers on the girl, telling her to brace up, hang on, help was on the way. Perhaps even on Ohkubo, commanding him to hurry, no questions asked. She could have elected to go with Ohkubo and escort the girl to Agency Headquarters, but she had run the gauntlet back to them. To offer assistance.

In defiance of her own fear and weakness, alone in the dark with two vampires on the prowl, her actions were heroic.

He was being unfair.

Gonzo indicated the battling duo. "Maybe we should just let 'em kill each other."

"Sensei's right," she muttered to Hiei. "What you know about vampires would fill a sake cup."

Weariness and frustration fused into another angry backwash, but squabbling would get them nowhere. "I'm not the waiting type," he said to Gonzo, "and I've got Holy Water. All we need is a stake." While Elvis and Nosferatu grappled, Hiei looked around for something to use.

The iron railing around the cemetery. Every tenth spike was taller, ending in a three-pointed fleur-de-lys, which could be a cross, if you squinted and it was dark and foggy.

Gonzo was on the same page. He ran leftward until he was well past the fighting vampires. With his gorilla's reach, he latched on to one of the tall spikes. Grunting, he ripped it loose and sprinted back toward Hiei.

Nosferatu lifted Elvis overhead inch by inch and flung him aside. Elvis crashed to the ground and lay still.

"Hurry, man!" Gonzo tossed the spike to Hiei. It smacked into his palm, heavier than his katana, twice as cold.

"I'll hold him," said Gonzo. "You do the rest." While he dashed up behind Nosferatu, Hiei slipped the bottle of Holy Water from his pocket and doused the makeshift cross.

Quick and agile, Gonzo grabbed the vampire in a full nelson, locked his long arms around its neck, forced its head down.

Nosferatu did not like this. Maybe Gonzo's Rosary pressed against its back, or maybe it didn't appreciate Gonzo's frog-breath. It clawed the air, snarling.

Hiei advanced, hefting the spike like a spear.

But Shayla Kidd sprang from the shelter of the angel's wings and rushed forward, brushing Hiei aside as she went, until she stood center stage between him and the battle.

_Damn it!_

Then he realized: heedless of the danger to herself, she feared Hiei might ram the spike straight through the vampire, accidentally skewering Gonzo.

She put on her Spellcaster mantle again, and her whiplash voice cracked the night: "Sensei! MOVE!"

With a look of pure bafflement, Gonzo released the vampire and took a big sidewise monkey-hop-

-freeing Nosferatu. Deprived of one meal, it spotted another: Shayla Kidd, human and flawed.

Having summoned her powers twice within a short time, she succumbed to the Shockwave, standing frozen and mute.

Nosferatu charged her with the speed of a bullet train.

-30-

(To be continued: Within moments, one will live and one will die)


	7. 7: Don't Be Cruel

Please read Disclaimer in Chapter One.

Title: Are You Loathsome Tonight? (7: Don't Be Cruel)

Author: JaganshiKenshin

Genre: Action/Adventure, Humor

Rating: K+/PG-13 (for anime-style fight scenes/language)

Summary: With Hiei frozen in place, Shayla Kidd is doomed.

A/N: My source is a combination of the American YYH manga and the subtitled anime. The use of Holy Water as a suppressant is mentioned in the manga during the Hiei/Yuusuke warehouse battle sequence. Thanks for your reviews and thanks for reading this!

A night of terror, an impossible loss

Are You Loathsome Tonight? (7: Don't Be Cruel)

by

Kenshin

Nosferatu, full speed ahead. Target: Shayla Kidd.

_Too fast! It shouldn't even be able to move!_

Flailing, as though wallowing through a deep sea of invisible mud, Nosferatu came on, while Hiei struggled with the aftershock.

Looking equally helpless, equally alarmed, Gonzo broke out in a sweat as evidence of his own struggle, but even if he could move, he was too far away to stop Nosferatu.

_Why? Why can Nosferatu move but not us?_

The same bubble that held Gonzo made Hiei feel like a fly trapped in amber. The spike as a weapon, heavier than a katana, balanced differently, anointed with Holy Water, useless in his hands; he was strong, maybe by now even A-class, but-

Anger, frustration, and fear came to a bitter boil. The creature was going to get her.

_All this strength-what good is it now?_

Strength for its own sake was empty. That much Urameshi Yuusuke had shown Hiei during their long-ago warehouse battle. Fighting for his friend Keiko, Urameshi, a mere human, was able to defeat Hiei, a youkai. Because the youkai was fighting for nothing but to gain power.

Nosferatu's black claws, reaching ever closer to the immobilized Shayla Kidd. Red teeth, already snapping in savage anticipation. It would rip her to shreds before-

In his mind's eye he saw Shayla Kidd, her throat torn, covered with blood, just as the first victim had been-

The blood! The blood of the other girl still on her hands! The scent of blood had broken the Shockwave, had galvanized Nosferatu into motion.

Shayla Kidd stood statue-still eyes wide, terrified, trapped by the weapon she had so recklessly deployed to save her sensei.

Nosferatu was on her. The bitter brew boiled over.

_Idiot woman! I'm fighting for _her. _And you are NOT having her for dinner._

His bubble shattered.

Teleporting forward, Hiei raised the spike. With a blow of such force that it lifted Nosferatu into the air, he slammed home the makeshift cross.

Which burst from Nosferatu's back, protruding several inches. Hiei realized the wisdom of Shayla Kidd's previous action; aiming for the Undead, he could well have speared Gonzo with the same blow.

Reeling away from Shay-san, Nosferatu shrieked as it clawed its own chest, its jaws mechanically champing in anticipation of the human meal it would now never attain.

The Holy Water was already at work, eating it from the inside out. Nosferatu could only writhe in agony, like a moth burning in a candle-flame. Even Hiei wanted to avert his eyes.

First one ray beamed from its chest, a mere pinhole, pencil-slim. Then another, and another, until the vampire resembled a porcupine with quills forged of light.

Within a few moments, a chain reaction set in, and there was no turning back.

Nosferatu's body bloomed with the fire of Holy Water that ordinarily only Hiei could see. Like stars leaping into the sky, defying gravity, the Holy Water's effect was visible to all, turning the vampire to an earthbound fireworks that exploded from the inside out.

And now Hiei was forced to shield his eyes; the others did likewise, just in time. Unbearable brightness flared, casting knife-edged shadows that chased away the remaining mist.

When Hiei lowered his hand, Nosferatu was gone. Only a patch of blackened, smoking grass remained to mark the spot.

Shayla Kidd was still frozen to the spot.

Hiei went to his Spellcaster. She often longed for his comfort during such moments; and he knew it, and just as often struggled to give it, but just as often failed.

Shaking, she hung on to him, her face buried in his chest; he felt the hammering of her heart, and to his surprise, he found that he needed time himself to settle down. He held her for quite a bit longer than was strictly necessary.

"Oh, maaan." Finding his own voice and limbs, Gonzo staggered up to them, wiping sweat from his brow. "That was _awesome!_"

Near the railing, Elvis was just getting to his feet. He brushed himself off, then glanced at the still-smoking patch of ground where his fellow vampire had been.

Hiei stood with Gonzo and Shayla Kidd, forming a barrier against the vampire's escape.

Backlit by a dim glow that signalled dawn's approach, Elvis regarded them warily. "You take from me my prey. Why?"

"Your prey?" They exchanged unbelieving glances.

"This type of destuction I have not before seen. This explosion in light." Elvis came toward them, slowly, stopping well short of the spot that marked Nosferatu's demise. He paused for a moment, studying the ground, then looked up again. "How was it done?"

Hiei had no intention of telling him.

"What the hell was that thing?" Gonzo demanded.

Elvis furrowed his brow. They waited. Somewhere a night bird hooted mournfully.

"That one was old," Elvis said at last. "Very old. Little more than animal by now."

"What's wrong, man?" Gonzo rolled his eyes. "Immortality ain't all it's cracked up to be?"

Lifting his head, Elvis stood for a while as though cataloguing the stars.

Hiei still stood protectively near Shayla Kidd. And with her still too mute and shaken even to _think_ at him, he did the talking. "Vampires can't stand daylight, correct?"

Elvis nodded. "Is true."

"Then something doesn't add up."

"Precisely what?"

"If he was as old as you say, little more than an animal, there'd have been a trail of bodies. And we never heard of anything like this before now."

Elvis kept his eyes on Hiei's.

"Good point," said Gonzo.

"So he just came to my country recently," Hiei concluded. "How did he manage that?"

"Many ways," replied Elvis. "Cargo hold of airplane. Shipwise, with servant. Other methods."

"And he was your prey?" Gonzo scratched his chin. "What is this, like a game with you vampires or something? Trophy hunt?"

It was Gonzo who had put the question, but it was Hiei whom Elvis addressed. "You have in your hamlet two females who died by that hand."

Hiei nodded.

"There is a task. You must to prepare each girl properly for burial, or vampires they surely become also. If third girl live, treatment will require."

As Elvis described in precise detail the steps needed, a ripple of distress passed across Shayla Kidd's face. But by now, she had recovered the use of her voice.

"You saw what happened to your buddy there." She jerked her head at the patch of earth, from which rose the last wisps of smoke like ghosts fleeing a haunted house. "We could do the same for you."

Elvis gave her a cold blue stare. "Perhaps no."

"Get it while you can," advised Hiei. "We're running a two-for-one special."

They had, whether by accident or design, surrounded Elvis. Hiei and Gonzo had their Rosaries, and the cemetery was bristling with black spikes to use as weapons.

Stalemate.

Gonzo tried to break it. "Bet it won't hurt. Much."

His tones dripping polite sarcasm, Elvis replied, "Most kind of you. But I decline."

Gonzo didn't drop the subject. "Ain't it convenient you found that other vampire to pin the killing on."

"And you just told us that vampires need help," Hiei added. "They need slaves."

"Sometimes not slave," Elvis replied. "Sometimes willing."

"Maaaan." Gonzo shook his head. "That's disgustin'."

Taking comfort in the fact that there was something even Gonzo found disgusting, Hiei pressed the point. "So there's a human running around loose, who gave Nosferatu assistance?"

Elvis continued studying Hiei. "I receive information from many sources. One such says: 'Seek man in black.' Another speaks of wrestlers in this country." His gaze shifted momentarily to Gonzo. "I search this circuit, realize it is not the one whom they call El Gordo, but still I track him tonight, for where he went, leads to place girl was found." Again his gaze challenged Hiei. "Then arrives you. So I am think-"

"You am think wrong," snapped Hiei.

"What are you?" Elvis' eyes narrowed. "You-are like nothing I ever encounter."

Gonzo could not know 'what' Hiei was, and neither Shayla Kidd nor Hiei himself would broadcast it to the Undead.

Instead, Shayla Kidd raised a Bette Davis eyebrow. "A vampire hunting vampires?"

Hiei gave a mental shrug. **A demon hunting demons.**

**Touche.** "We'll ask the questions around here." No mistaking the slight Spellcaster's edge to her voice. "Who are you?"

With a convulsive shiver, 'Elvis' said, "I am... Dracula."

It was late. They had eaten and drunk too many substances that should have been labeled with skull and crossbones. "Of course Dracula," Hiei said. "Why not Dracula?"

"First Elvis, now Dracula," Gonzo agreed. "Makes perfect sense, man."

The vampire scowled. "Nevertheless. Is my true name."

"_The_ Dracula?" Shayla Kidd demanded.

Dracula turned his head away, as though the direct sight of her pained him, but whether this arose from fear or hunger Hiei could not tell. "A... descendent."

Another lifted eyebrow from the Lady Spitfire. "And?"

"Original Vlad Dracul was no vampire, but courageous knight who save his country from foreign invaders. How I come to be as I am is no importance."

"That's what _you_ think," she said.

"What is important-even if I alone know, I redeem family name."

"By hunting vampires?" Gonzo was clearly incredulous.

They had Dracula in their sights. There was the approaching daylight, also a weapon against vampires.

Hiei pondered: **What do we do?**

**You can't mean to let him go,** Shay-san responded.

**I hunt my own kind. It's not impossible. And if so, he's our ally in the Shadow War.**

"I say waste him," Shay-san said then, and Hiei knew she was bluffing, testing the waters, waiting for Dracula's reaction.

"We could detain him until daylight," Hiei mused, donning the bluff himself. "Watch him melt."

"Man, you guys dish out some serious stuff." Gonzo stared at them.

Glancing at one another, Hiei and Shay-san were in accord. Whatever their decision, it had to be made soon.

Dracula again studied the patch of black grass, then peered at the sky. "Esteemed lady, there is that in me which will always wish to kill. Even now, I think of the pulse so close to the soft skin of your throat, and I long to-" He broke off, took a deep breath. "But I restrain."

Gonzo tried to tip the balance. "I dunno. I'm gettin' an okay sorta vibe now off this guy."

Hiei glanced at his Spellcaster. **How about it?**

The look she gave him made it clear: _It's up you._

At that moment, Hiei held Dracula's life in his hands.

Was it right to release this other vampire? Was it simply because he looked good, could express himself, spin a yarn? He was still Undead, still unclean, but yet-

_In the past, I killed for fun._ But there had been those who'd shown Hiei kindness, even mercy, when he least deserved it, Urameshi Yuusuke not the least among them.

Awaiting their verdict, Dracula Junior stood patiently. If Gonzo's 'vibe' wasn't enough to convince Hiei, the vampire's patience was.

Still, a good threat never hurt. "You said you never met anything like me?" Hiei began. "You got that right, pal. I can find you again, anywhere, anytime."

"But for now, we're letting you go," finished Shay-san.

Dracula shut his eyes for a moment. "Then I must to move on. When night comes again, I shall leave your country to elsewhere continue hunt. As to matter of human slave-"

"It's my homeland," Hiei snapped. "I'll handle it."

"Very well. Is in your hands now. Adieu." The vampire favored them with a very Continental bow.

Elvis, aka Dracula Junior, did not walk out of the cemetery. He assumed the shape of a bat, hovered in mid-air as if in fond farewell, then flapped over the railing.

"Holy-!" Gonzo cut himself off, mid-sentence.

"Didn't know he could do that," mused Shayla Kidd.

Hiei pondered loose cannons, and hoped this one would not come back to bite them.

They watched the vampire fly off into the night. When Dracula was lost to their sight, Gonzo threw an arm around Hiei, then Shayla Kidd.

"Hey!" He beamed at them both. "Anyone else hungry?"

-30-

(To be concluded: Will the Happy Hour From Hell continue?)


	8. 8: Return To Sender

Please read Disclaimer in Chapter One.

Title: Are You Loathsome Tonight? (8: Return To Sender)

Author: JaganshiKenshin

Genre: Action/Adventure, Humor

Rating: K+/PG-13 (for anime-style fight scenes/language)

Summary: The end of the night tastes just like chicken.

A/N: Any character sketches can be viewed on my blogspot. Thank you for reading this tale!

"You sold them to pirates?"

Are You Loathsome Tonight? (8: Return To Sender)

by

Kenshin

Hiei gaped at Gonzo. "Hungry? After all this?"

The wrestler shrugged, slapping his belly. "Hey, man, fightin' always gives me a good appetite. So who's up for live octopus?"

"Live octopus." Speaking in a monotone, Shayla Kidd shut her eyes, swaying a little.

"Or we could go get some of that turtle blood," Gonzo suggested.

"Turtle blood," Shay-san repeated.

"And I never did get a crack at those tarantulas."

One hand to her mouth, the other to her stomach, Shayla Kidd staggered over to the iron rail.

Hiei followed, unable to prevent Gonzo from doing likewise.

Sliding down to the ground, Shayla Kidd aimed her head outside the cemetery, and lost what little food and drink she had consumed earlier, and she did it with all the dignity befitting Bette Davis turned vampire slayer.

Gonzo spoke up. "Hey, man-"

Hiei quelled him with a look. Gonzo backed away.

Their privacy restored, Hiei tore off one of his sleeves and handed it to Shay-san. He knew her well enough to understand that his greatest gift to her was silence.

While she used his offering as a napkin, Hiei settled next to her. Eventually, Shay-san twisted her head around to peer at him. "You go through more shirts than Captain Kirk."

Hiei sighed in relief. She would be all right.

Reducing his well-used sleeve to ashes, Hiei glanced around the cemetery. A team from the Agency would arrive to perform the necessary forensics. Hiei and the others would file reports and be subjected to debriefing.

His firebird showed no signs of stirring. "Do I have to carry you?" he asked.

Shay-san waved a tired hand. "Maybe later. Where's Gonzo?"

"I might have run him off."

No such luck. As though on cue, Gonzo reappeared, toting a bottle of water.

"Here." Gonzo handed it to Shay-san. "My treat."

She sipped the water. Moments later, the Agency team arrived. She declined to rise, and the three quiet, hulking men knew better than to force her.

They were thorough, and though the interview was mercifully brief, it seemed to drag on forever. There was the matter of the blood on Shayla Kidd's hands. Both she and Hiei as operatives had a great deal of leeway, yet protocol must be followed.

They took Shay-san's deposition right where she sat. The first man, apologizing profusely for the need to confiscate her bloodstained hoodie, offered her his jacket. She politely refused. They took samples, then cleaned her hands of the blood. No one inquired about Hiei's missing sleeve.

They took his statement while he lavishly bestowed his patented death-glares in the hope of speeding things along.

As for Ernesto Gonzalez, he told his story with grand gestures that actually had the Agency men laughing. Hiei had been hoping they would opt to wipe his memory.

_Please don't tell me they mean to deputize him._

The third girl would recover, an agent informed Hiei in a hushed voice, glancing at Shayla Kidd, who still appeared slightly green around the gills.

_Squeamish woman._ But it occurred to Hiei that he, too, came equipped with a bounty of flaws, churlishness being the least of them. So, in front of Gonzo and everyone, he sank down by Shayla Kidd and took her hand.

She flung him a single startled glance. Once she had recovered her equilibrium from this wanton Public Display of Affection, Hiei silently told her about the girl she had fought to save, and sensed her relief.

The agents told them another division would take over the hunt for Nosferatu's accomplice. They all got the standard don't-leave-town speech. Hiei knew it by heart.

Then, like dissolving mist, the Agency team left, and it was just the three of them again.

Gonzo peered down at Shayla Kidd. "Got a taxi waitin' around the corner."

She gave her sensei a genuine smile. "You thought of everything." Hiei helped her get up. They left the cemetery, Gonzo alone showing no signs of wear.

**Those times tonight you tried to warn me about something,**. Hiei thought to Shay-san. **Was it Gonzo?**

**He's inhuman,** she replied.

**I kind of like the guy.**

The taxi sat purring in anticipation. Gonzo helped Shay-san in, and gave the middle, uncomfortable seat to Hiei.

They pulled away. Regarding them gravely, Gonzo said, "Look, man. I know I dragged the two of you all over town, and you probably had other plans. But I gotta say, I haven't had this much fun since I hadda leave Mexico City with an angry Aztec Mummy on my tail."

In the rearview mirror, the cabbie's eyes dripped curiosity.

Hiei stifled a yawn. "Which kind of angry Aztec Mummy-wrestler or real?"

"Real," Gonzo assured them. "Tastes like chicken."

_Too. Much. Information._

To take his mind off the mental picture Gonzo had created, Hiei placed a call to Kurama's mother, Minamino Shiori, inquiring whether Michael and Cecilia had burnt down her house.

"Not to worry," Shiori replied, in her sweet voice. "I sold the kids hours ago."

Hiei bit his lip. "You've been hanging around with pirates again, haven't you?"

"As a matter of fact, they're entertaining the twins now," replied Shiori. "I'm sure Blackbeard would also love to hear your story."

Downtown, the cabbie let them off where they had first met up with Ernesto Gonzalez, former martial arts instructor, children's clown, and wrestler extraordinaire.

While they tried to stretch out the kinks in their muscles, they let Gonzo in on the girl's recovery.

"That's real good news, man." Gonzo beamed at them. "See? When life gives you crap, sell it to hippies for mulch."

Shayla Kidd snorted. "You should print some T-shirts."

"Hey, that's a great idea! I'll get Mami and Papi on it."

The city was beginning to stir, with people threading through the streets. The night had ended.

Gonzo laid his hands on Shayla Kidd's shoulders. "Always knew you were a smart girl." Favoring Hiei with a big white grin, he added, "And you, Mister, are one hell of a fighter."

"Amen to that," she said.

"Listen, guys, it's been a party, but I gotta go snag some rack time before my next gig."

Hiei almost fell to the pavement in relief.

Polite to the end, Shayla Kidd inquired, "What gig is that?"

"Kid's party in the harbor district. Gonna eat a few beetles. You know kids, they like to hear the crunch." Lifting a long hairy arm in salute, Gonzo said, "Gimme a holler next time you run into one of the Undead."

Hiei watched as the wrestler trundled down the street. "Maybe I will at that. He reminds me of Yuusuke."

"Urameshi Yuusuke does not eat bugs for a living."

"He'd do it for fun." After a night of assorted innards and vampires, the city air smelled clean and cool.

"It's late." Shay-san embellished her statement with a yawn.

"It's early."

"We should probably relieve Shiori of the kids before she really does sell them to pirates."

"They couldn't meet her price." Hiei's churlishness had vanished along with Nosferatu. "I know one thing: we won't be running into any vampires at the moment."

"Of course not. Halloween's over." They found a bench outside a boutique and sank onto it.

Shay-san gave every indication of falling asleep then and there, but Hiei wanted to keep moving. You never knew when something worse might pop up, like the appearance of another psychotic leprechaun, or Gonzo threatening to buy them breakfast.

Shay-san yawned again. "I have to do something about that Shockwave."

"And I have to stop leaving my sword at home," he agreed. "Ch. All I wanted was to relax with you for a couple of hours and not feed you chicken guts."

"You really are a hopeless romantic."

"It's not too late." He got up, put out a hand. "We began the evening at the Silver Moon. We can finish there."

"Will they let you in with only one sleeve?"

He gave a dismissive snort. "They'll think I started a new trend. Come on. There's a cup of coffee with your name on it, and I hear it tastes like chicken."

-30-

(Thanks for reading this Halloween story! Please scroll down for a preview of _Elementary, My Dear Hiei_.)

Elementary, My Dear Hiei

by

Kenshin

It was a dark and stormy night when the beleaguered Huffington clam discovered that they had new neighbors.

The rain did not so much fall as gush like clear blood from a wounded, lightning-clawed sky the color of a bruise, and crashes of thunder rattled the windows of the mansion house, wringing from the un-nerved occupants startled cries.

"There's something among the trees!" Pudge and Dumpling's only daughter was as quiet as the storm was not, given to sulks and pallors, all of which had grown markedly worse for moving to this manor.

"Where, dear?" Pudge said. "I don't see anything."

"Wait till the next flash, of course," yawned Smarmy, who had never worked a day in his life, and whose real name had all but been forgotten.

They huddled anxiously round the great tall window, its panes rippling with sheeted rain.

The next flash came, as promised, cleaving the gloom to reveal a rather large caravan among the dense trees surrounding the house, and beside it-

"There is someone! A man!" Pudge gasped and pointed. "He's-digging!"

Pudge could see him with his shovel, spading and lifting, but could not see much detail. The wind plucked at his coat, and rain drove at him, making Pudge shiver in sympathy.

"Digging what?" wondered Smarmy. "A grave?"

"That must be it," agreed Dumpy. "Ghouls and grave-robbers on our doorstep! If this isn't the very limit!"

"There are two of them," noted Pudge. "One's standing there watching the other!"

Merope backed slowly away and hugged herself.

"Digging up a patch of earth during a rainstorm such as this!" Twitchy huffed.

"They're both going inside that caravan," said Dumpy.

"Why not call the coppers on them?" inquired Smarmy. "We've every right. After all they're trespassing on our land."

"Have you forgotten?" Pudge reminded him. "The phone lines are dead."

Their gazes fell as one upon the mysterious envelope on the side table. It had arrived earlier this evening, addressed only to The Huffingtons.

"Shall we open the letter?"

Taking the letter, Dumpling cleared his throat and read:

'Expect us for dinner tonight at 8 PM.

- Monsieurs Hero and Delamont.'

They all looked at one another in complete puzzlement.

"Who...?" wondered Smarmy.

"Eight o'clock," said Twitchy, "Why that's right about-"

The doorbell rang, making them all jump.

"Don't let them in," whispered Mope. "I'm afraid."

"They're here!" Eyes wide with panic, Twitchy clutched at the hem of his shirt. "What shall we do?"

"Stiff upper lip," said Dumpy, "and pray the ghosts don't put in an appearance."

-30-

(To be continued-someday)


End file.
